I’m sorry we didn’t make it to your kid’s birthday party.
We had full intentions to go, honest . Except the night before Malachi or Olyvia (or both) took late naps after a long day of therapy and were up until midnight bouncing off the walls. Justin and I probably spent the entire night shooting dirty looks at each other if the other one so much as looked like they were even trying to sleep.
Then, because of whatever reason, the morning of the party one of our kids was up at 6 am. (After staying up until midnight, mind you). So, not only are we operating on very little sleep, but now we are also stressing out because our kids didn’t get near enough sleep which will either result in them eventually losing it or another late nap. Which means repeating that entire night, again.
Not to mention, my kids and I all have celiacs disease. Which means even little amounts if gluten really messes us up big time. So worrying about what is going to be available to eat is huge. Sure, we bring our own stuff everywhere we go and we don’t expect anyone to make us anything special, but will there be a massive tray of cupcakes sitting at a table that’s eye level to my son? Will I spend the entire hour or two that we are at the party trying to keep him away from the cupcakes? Because most likely that is the case. And I’ve dealt with it at enough birthday parties to know that I’m really not trying to do it again. Especially after a late night/early morning.
I’m Sorry we didn’t make it to the family gathering
Let me start this one off by saying that, contrary to what a lot of people may believe, we really truly want to attend these gatherings. It isnt some ploy that we come up with to get out of socializing because GOD KNOWS WE NEED SOME FREAKING SOCIALIZING.
However, I have also been to many family gatherings and I know how these things work for us. People try to talk to us and we have to run away after half a sentence because one of our kids is, again, going for the cupcakes (or whatever desert you can think up). Or running out the door. Or trying to tip over the tv. Or falling off the table and bashing their heads. Literally Justin and I have to each take a kid and chase them around the entire time we are there which means zero socializing and a lot of physical activity. Why? To make an appearance? So people know that we were there? So they can get a glimpse of our kids?
Here’s an idea come over to our house. Then you can see the kids in their own environment and they probably will actually pay attention to you. Then you can actually have a conversation with us instead of watching us chase them around or hold them while they cry. It’s miserable for them, and it’s miserable for us.
Also, Justin works. He works a lot. (Somehow he works a ton and it’s still not enough but that’s another blog post) sometimes if we want a whole day together we have to request it off. A lot of times, we can’t afford for him to request it off. Most of these events he has to work. And No. Way. In. Hell. Am I doing everything I just mentioned alone.
I’m Sorry I Finally Quit Putting Up With Shit From You.
If you are one of these people, I apologize. I spent my whole relationship with you putting your feelings ahead of my own. Forgiving you for lying amd manipulating. Forgiving you for flaking when I needed you most. Putting up with dramatic situation after dramatic situation because I really cared about your well being more than my own. I really was willing to let you suck the life out of me if it meant you were okay.
Well, this year I realized I need to be well In order to run a happy, successful household. This last year I’ve stood up to the masses. I’ve stood up to doctors. I’ve been looked in the face and told that my son’s medical care was not good enough and that I was “confused “. I’ve chosen a path that is so overgrown that i need every ounce of strength I have to get through it.
Which means there is no room left for you.
You we’re sucking valuable emotional strength from me that I need to emotionally support this family. I spent a lot of my life loving you and trying to be there for you, and I just can’t any longer.
I’m sorry I didn’t answer your call
These days Malachi is beginning to imitate Olyvia. Which is awesome!!! Except Olyvia is in a very serious attention seeking stage. She’s going through a lot of heavy emotions, and she really needs a lot of attention from me, and she really needs a lot of help working through those emotions. So my days consist of her constantly testing the waters. If I even take my attention off of her for a few minutes, she’s doing something naughty to try and get it back again. I know this is normal, because I remember Malachi going through the same stage at the same age. However, now that she’s doing that and now that he’s starting to imitate, he is also doing all of these attention-seeking behaviors. So in reality it’s like having twins.
Which means talking on the phone is quite literally impossible most of the time, and honestly I feel bad doing it. I spend so much time on the phone with doctors, giving and measuring supplements, organizing and prepping food for special diets, doing dishes because I cook everything, and attempting to maintain a relatively clean house that I feel guilty being on the phone ! All of those things I must do and giving them attention while doing them is pretty difficult. So ignoring them even more while I’m on the phone with you is not something that I’m going to do. Not often anyway.
I know that it may seem like Justin and I have became completely unsocial in the blink of an eye. I know it may seem like our absences are “convenient ” or “planned”. What you must understand though, is nothing about our life is convenient or planned. We changed quickly because our life changed quickly. And all we’re doing is trying to manage it the best we can. Please know that we do feel guilty about the things that we miss. We do feel guilty about all of the decisions that we make that may negatively affect someone outside of our family, But also know this: our family must be our number one priority at this moment in our life. Maybe one day we will be able to do all of those things again with ease. Maybe one day we’ll be Social Butterflies like we both secretly long to be, but at the moment our place is here at home.
As always …..💙💙💙